Success Does Not Have to be Lonely

Success doesn't have to be lonely, if you have ever felt alone on your journey to success, and it doesn't matter what it's in. 

Have you ever noticed a time in your life when there was something that you wanted and you were willing to put in the work, the time,the commitment to achieve a goal, and nobody around you understood what you were doing? Maybe you felt unsupported, misunderstood? Have you ever felt like each level of success that you get in your circle of support gets smaller and smaller, that you're speaking a language to people and as you're talking, it just goes right over their head? 

If you've ever felt that way, you're not alone. Something happens in our human design where when we see somebody else's success trigger or activate the things within us that make us believe that we're not worthy of that success or those results. That can make it difficult for relationships to continue when competition comes up between two people because all of a sudden, rather than being happy for the person who is achieving success, we might notice that all of a sudden we're turning it into what we don't have, which is comparison, which is the thief of joy. 

So why does that happen? You can see that it exists in Mother Nature. You can see animals in the wild who compete for attention, like the birds that do their fancy dances for the female or the female lionesses who compete for the male lion attention. It is a natural part of our being because it does ignite our own personal growth and possibility and excellence. Competition can be healthy depending on where it comes from. If it comes from external validation or the need to prove others wrong or make others less, then it's not a healthy place. When it comes from a place it ignites an energy and creativity within us and untaps us and opens us up to more possibilities than it comes from a healthy place.

Why does success feel lonely? What's underneath that? What is the emotion that comes up? Well, for some of us, we feel guilt or shame, like we're leaving people behind. Like we don't deserve this. It can't be this easy, it can't be this amazing. How is it not happening for everybody else? For some of us, it's hard to be to receive, to receive the level of support and even the financial compensation for the success that we create. Not for all of us, but for some of us.

The other part of it is that we are change makers, so we keep moving forward. As we move forward, if you are a visionary, if you're the type of person that knows their goals and has the commitment, makes decisions that create momentum to move you towards that goal, not everybody around you is going to move at the pace that you do. And that's okay. We don't have to make that wrong. We don't even have to label it. It just is what it is and what we've done is we've made that selfish and wrong when in fact it's selfless. It's selfish to not live our truth. And we can do both. We can take that action to create the momentum towards our goal thoughtfully, intentionally, without judgment to the people around us. We can allow ourselves to receive the support from the people around us, which gives a beautiful balance of giving and receiving.

When we get to a place where we take ownership for our decisions, for our commitment, for our intention and our work and the results come, it's really important to celebrate. It's as important to equally spend the same amount of time and energy celebrating, at least as you do when things don't go your way.

What if we chose to believe that there is no failure, there's only clarity? That every time we perceive that we lose or things don't go our way. What's happening is we're stepping into an up level, an upgrade because now we know what doesn't work. Now we know what we can fix or change in order to do better. Whether it's in competition as an athlete, whether it's in failures and mistakes you make as an entrepreneur in parenting, all of those opportunities are a moment in time where we get to choose differently. Now that we know what doesn't work, we can release the judgment and the shame that it means that we aren't enough or that we're wrong. It's just clarity about what doesn't work.

When we are in this flow of moving forward, celebrating, focusing on the things that work, we can move very quickly. Sometimes people do not stay on that pace with us and that's okay. We are a reflection of the five people that we spend the most time with. If you want to change something in your life, surround yourself with somebody who embodies that change already. Whether it's health or love or money or less stress, more time having fun. If there is something that you want more of in your life, surround yourself with people who are embodying what it is that you want to become and do it together. Sometimes feeling lonely and successful is a Survivor strategy. It's the addiction to busyness, that's a trauma response to what looks like success on the outside but feels very lonely on the inside.

There's a difference between being alone and lonely. You can be alone and not feel lonely. Lonely is a feeling that no matter what result you get in your life, no matter who you're surrounded by, you may not feel connected. 

Success doesn't have to be lonely is about asking yourself, why do I have the belief that the more successful I get or the better I do, people don't want to be around me? What does that say about me? What does it say about me if I'm successful or if I get good results or if I don't? What does it say about me when I don't? Because there's a subconscious belief under there that is making you believe that your success means that you have to be alone or you have to be lonely.

When you get underneath those beliefs that are running the story in your life, you will begin to see that your belief is creating your reality. That's when you can choose to embody something differently by surrounding yourself with people who have the beliefs that you want to have. You can find that sense of community with like minded women somewhere in your life. Ask yourself, where can I find that like minded sense of community that supports my success and growth in marriage, in work, in my health, in all the ways? Who do I know that is ready to support me in that? How can I invite more of that into my life? How can I be more open to receiving more of that into my life and surround yourself with those people? So I leave you with this idea and this belief that success doesn't have to be lonely. You can thrive in your life and in your work. When you thrive from the inside out, when you know yourself, when you have clarity on what you want and how you want to show up in your life, you will attract those experiences and people. When you take aligned action from a place of trusting yourself, trusting your intuition, not from a place of needing any validation. When you receive, when you allow yourself to be supported, you can have success, whatever that is for you. Whether it's the house and the marriage and the family, or a certain amount of income in your job or a certain role or promotion. Consider how supportive you actually are, what is working for you. The more you find gratitude for the things that are working for you and the ways that you are supported will come into your life that will continue to support you on your journey to thrive in both your life and your business.

P.S.

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Jen Mons is an author, speaker, mentor and coach for high achieving purpose driven ready to shift the paradigm of feminine leadership and redefine excellence and wealth through 5 Element Wellth, Prosperity, Daily Devotion Journaling and Soul Wisdom Imprinting.