How to Disengage from Disempowering Language

“Your beliefs become your thoughts. Your thoughts become your words. Your words become your actions. Your actions become your habits. Your habits become your values, and your values become your destiny.” ~ Gandhi

We're going to bring the conversation to disempowering language and the importance of disengaging and disconnecting from that disempowering language. I'm always surprised by the people who are still using it because I just don't think that we're aware or maybe we haven't given enough thought or awareness or intention, that actually our words are really powerful. In the world of energy, every word has a vibration, it has a signature, it has a frequency. The words, if you just say the words fear and love, they feel different. They literally feel different because they are different.They have a different frequency. 

I love David Hawkins work around emotions, shame being the lowest vibrational, frequency, emotion, and the scale of emotions that go all the way up to peace, joy, enlightenment, and just noticing the frequency around our emotions. The same thing happens with our words. This conversation today is about how we can bring awareness to the disempowering language that we're using that we're probably not even aware of and step into the space of using more empowering language and taking ownership.

Sovereignty had a lot to do with taking ownership of our life experience in a way that it doesn't depend on external circumstances, but really connecting with that deep inner knowing of truth. So that even when external circumstances might not show you what you believe to be true in the moment, you have that inner knowing, that inner wisdom, that deep trust, that embodied trust, which is what prosperity is. That 1% of true embodied trust is when the results are not there. That's when you're really digging deep and really leaning into that spiritual growth. You think you trust? But do you trust when the results aren't there? Are you able to not focus on the results and the expectations so much that it opens up more possibilities? Because that's what happens if we're so focused on meeting a deadline or result in an expectation, what if it was going to be better? And in my experience, it always is,and I believe that to be true. It might not seem like it at the moment. Sometimes we go through really, really hard things and maybe we don't see it for a year, two, three, four, five years. Maybe we don't. Maybe it takes even longer to see that that actually served us. I'm talking about breakups, divorces, betrayal, the things that hurt. How can we look at those and learn from them?

One of my business accountability buddies, Ryan McKinney. He talks he's been teaching a lot about sharing with me about the levels of energy, leadership. I speak in the language of energy, and I just love that awareness of stepping into that level, of really just possibility, that true leadership holds that space of possibility and that starts with our words. It really, really does. 

So one of the words that we can remove from our vocabulary is the word ‘should’. ‘Should’ implies shame. If you think like, “oh, I should be doing this, or what should you do”, it's like you should, but you didn't, so it's not enough. That feeling and shame is a very low vibrational word. This is a word I removed from my vocabulary probably five years ago and other variations of should, I believe this is called subjective language, is could and would. So should, would be the lowest, and then could and then would is the more empowering version of should.

Anytime we say, oh, I should be doing this, well, then, yes, do it. Just stop right there and make a choice. You either do or you don't. We put all these extra words into things that create this meaning and this feeling that actually don't really feel that good, and they don't do that in other languages. So removing the word should really give you freedom and clarity. When you notice you’re saying that, if you're still in a space of saying that, just notice and just take a step back and reframe it. You either do or you don't, there isn't anything you should do. You either do or you don't. That's just it, it's actually quite simple. It's very clear.

Another way that we like to shift language in our circles is when we hear ourselves saying something that feels negative or it feels like it's from the place of who we've been. Because we're always talking about shifting our language from our ideas and thoughts, from who we have been to who we are becoming. We just take a step back and we say, until now. So we can say, “until now, I've never had support. Until now, I've never had the time to do this”, which are all limiting beliefs, but anytime we're speaking in that sense, the first thing we can do is just shift. “Until now, I never took care of myself. Until now, I never really took my health seriously. Until now, I never invested in myself. Until now, I have been running around like crazy. Until now, I've been a people pleaser.” Then taking ownership that in that moment, you have the choice right now, because until now, that was true. You were a people pleaser. You have been indecisive. You procrastinate. You have lived in anxiety. You do freeze. You do believe you're not supported. Whatever it is that you believe that you're doing that you know isn't serving you, we just start with until now, I've been trying to hustle my whole life, and now I'm willing to, we can say “I'm ready to, I'm willing to, or I choose or I am.” Those are levels of empowerment, “Now I'm choosing. I'm choosing to do this differently.”

If you really want to be an empowered statement, it says, “I am no longer available for this. I'm no longer available for hustle. I'm no longer available for not valuing myself, or I am valuable. I am worthy. I am empowered. I am resourceful. I am resourceful with my time and money. I am supported.” That's a really strong statement. Sometimes it takes a little dating other words first before we can get into that true place of empowerment. Our words are really powerful. There's a different energy to I'm willing, I'm ready, and I am, like, just being super clear. That is totally going right to the heart of the new belief that you want to embody.

Another big shift is removing the words “I can't.” This shows up in many different ways, like, “I can't afford that. I can't do that. I can't believe that I can't see that. I can't travel.” The word I can't. What does that mean? It means that you believe that you don't have the ability.Is that really true? I don't believe that I believe in possibility. I see it every day in my life in so many different ways. So what are you really saying? What you're saying is either it's not a priority, it's not a value, or you don't believe in yourself, or you don't believe in the thing or something else. What are you really saying? 

Shifting from I can't to I don't, “I don't want to pay for that, I don't want that support, I don't want that experience. I don't want to spend my money like that. I don't want to commit the time to go to the gym. ”Not, “I can't go to the gym that much. I can't go three times a week.” No, what you're really saying is you don't want to or it's not a priority. I know this is hard to hear, but it's really clear for you to just notice how you're disempowering yourself through your language. 

We disempower through excuses all the time. If you believe that you're unsupported, that your husband doesn't support you, or you can't do things because you're a single mom, or you can't afford things because your husband doesn't support you or you're not making enough money or you don't have the time. Just really get clear on what this really, really means without judgment? Does it really mean it's not a priority for you at this time? Does it mean that it's not aligned with your values? Like, what are your values? Do you know if you say health is your value, but you also say you can't go to the gym three times a week. Well, there's a misalignment there. So what are the ways that you make excuses?

‘But’ is another word. Shifting from ‘but’ to ‘and’ whenever we say, oh, I want this, but okay, it's like energy drops. Oh, I really want to do this, and I really love this, and I believe in this, but I don't have the time, but I don't have the money, but no one will support me, but I just can't. That's a double disempowerment. Shifting it to and again, just simple shifts in our language. Shifting ‘but’ to ‘and’ then we would choose an empowering choice, “and I'm not choosing it at this time. I really want to do this, and I'm not choosing that. This is a priority at this time, and I'm not choosing to allow myself to be supported and I'm not choosing to take the next step at this time. And I'm okay with where I am, and I'm comfortable with being okay with where I am, and I'm not willing to commit the time.” Just being really truthful because that's what you really mean to say. 

So shifting, ‘but’ to ‘and’, releasing the ‘should’, shifting the ‘I can't’ to the ‘I don't’, shifting to ‘I am, I'm willing, I choose to I am.” Shifting previous beliefs with the word ‘until now, I believe that was true and now I'm willing to, I'm willing to believe this. I'm willing to try this.” Those simple word shifts start to just change your energy. They change your energy from believing that you can't do things or that from scarcity. Basically all of those other words that are disempowering are from a place of scarcity and lack of trust, which everyone has in some area in their life.

There's always some story to prove and validate where we've been unsupported, where we haven't been resources, where we haven't had the time, where we haven't had the money, where we couldn't trust God, where we had to work hard. There's always going to be a story to validate that. And as long as you continue to make decisions from that place, then you're going to continue to believe that and that will continue to be your story. 

The choices we make in investments. What are we really, really saying that we believe in? Are we really saying that we believe in somebody else to manage our money than our spouse? To live her potential? I don't know. That's interesting, isn't it just interesting, things to sit with and be aware of that we don't really know until we hear another possibility.

I want to invite you just to think for a moment, what have I heard myself say recently, “where I might have been engaging in disempowering language? What is not showing up in my life right now that I want to create a shift around my health, my relationships, my work? And what do I believe about this?” Start there, because that's probably if it's not where you want it to be, that's probably where the disempowering language is. “What do I believe about this?” Listen to your own words around what you believe. What do I say? What actions am I taking to support my belief? And what actions am I taking that don't support my belief? What actions am I taking towards what I want? And what actions, thoughts, and beliefs am Istill in keeping me where I am?” Just simplify it. Break it down. Remember your thoughts, your beliefs. What do I believe to be true that becomes your repetitive thought pattern?

This is one of the reasons why I love journaling so much. I have a journal available for you. It's called 13 Moons of Daily Devotion. Every month is a different theme, but the prompts are written to redesign your thought process, your reticular activating system to start thinking in a more positive way. It's a really simple way to do it. I created it and I published it because so many women were having amazing experiences facilitating gentle healing and thoughts and awareness in different areas of their life. In the journal, we talk about a relationship to joy, to money, to health, to your body, to love, to healing, to abundance, to sacred rituals to manifesting our dream life. Like, all of that is in there. It's a full year.

One of the ways that we can start to shift that is with a simple five minute journaling practice every day, even if you miss a day. So what? Just setting the intention to become curious about what it might look like to think differently, because your beliefs become your thoughts. Your thoughts become your words. Your words become your actions. Your actions become your habits. All of a sudden, it gets easier. All of a sudden, choosing to eat healthy every day just becomes the new normal. And you don't even have to think about it. This is not even a question in your mind because that's just who you are. You embody through habits. Your habits become your values. You value health, you value connection, you value exercise, you value presence, you value fun. Whatever your values are, take inventory of what you say your values are and what you're actually living every day. Because your values become your destiny. It becomes your life story. You get to be the author of your life story. So what are your top five core values and what are you actually really living in? Something to think about.

P.S.

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Jen Mons is an author, speaker, mentor and coach for high achieving purpose driven ready to shift the paradigm of feminine leadership and redefine excellence and wealth through 5 Element Wellth, Prosperity, Daily Devotion Journaling and Soul Wisdom Imprinting.