Is Indecision your Cycle of Self Sabotage?

The cycle of indecision and how it's self sabotaging, self sabotaging cycle of indecision. So let's talk about a specific type of self sabotage known as indecision and how it can show up in our life.

I'm curious if you are a person who procrastinates, a person who experiences a lot of self doubt, a person who often feels overwhelmed and overworked, a person who struggles with making a decision, and a person who still seeks external validation and is afraid to let other people down. Chances are, if you're one of these you're probably a person who struggles with making decisions. If you're one of those people that says if it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done, and you find yourself putting things off until the very, very last minute, what is that about? If you're one of those people who sees this amazing offering that you want to take advantage of, like going on a girls trip or purchasing a program or your favorite sweater or traveling somewhere and you just can't click the button, you just keep putting it off and keep putting it off. Why are you procrastinating? What's underneath that? Are you afraid of missing out? Are you afraid of making a decision?

Here's why indecision is so self sabotaging. Because think about how it feels when you're in limbo land. You've got this. Let's just say there's this amazing opportunity that you could take advantage of whatever it is.  You've got something that you really want to do, and your mind comes up with the excuses of why it's not available for you. I don't have the time. I don't have the money. I don't have the support. Those are the top three. According to the Mel Robbins book, Five Second Rule, get 5 seconds to make that decision because after that, your mind starts playing games. The ego comes in, and the more time goes on, the louder the ego gets. 

Indecision is basically inner conflict. Is there really any greater conflict than inner conflict? Inner conflict looks and feels like self defeat, lack of trust. It feels defensive and harsh, maybe even angry and resentful or sad. It feels disappointing. It feels unworthy. All of those experiences which would not be considered healthy probably don't feel good. So if indecision is inner conflict, feeling like self defeat, lack of trust, defensive, angry, resentful. Self disappointment. Take a moment to think about how you want to feel and why is this happening? 

Awareness is the first step to get through the indecision.

Oftentimes it's happening because of fear. Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of the results not being favorable, fear of letting somebody down, not getting the validation that you hope for. And so it's easier to just kind of ignore it and keep pushing it off. Fear of being hurt. Fear of making a mistake. There's all these reasons that we keep ourselves from making a decision, because as long as we don't make a decision, we're kind of just really avoiding what it is that we want and avoiding how we don't want to feel. We don't want to feel rejection. We don't want to feel like a failure. We don't want to feel we disappointed someone or let somebody down. So what we do is we just kind of push it off. Maybe we're afraid of letting somebody else down. Maybe we're afraid of letting ourselves down. 

I would encourage you when you notice this, to have a conversation with your fear, with yourself, and ask yourself these two questions. What does it say about me if I do? And what does it say about me if I don't? Because there's a story that we created the story around, what happens if we're rejected, if we're wrong, if we let somebody down. And then ask yourself, what happens if I do? What happens if I don't? And just be with that story and recognize it and know it.

What we need when we're feeling this way is to come to an awareness of where the story came from and drop into the body. Because if we can come to the body where we can notice where we're feeling the story in our body, then we're not in our mind thinking anymore. We're dropping in and connecting with our breath, with our body. We're not in the story anymore.

So first, we need to raise awareness around the story and bring clarity on what version of you that believes the story, what it is that you want and need. So how are you feeling, and what do you want and need?

The second step is to have compassion for ourselves.

Indecision is an easy way that we give our power away if we don't make a decision. We don't claim our inner power. We don't claim radical self responsibility for our choices. It says that we don't trust ourselves, that we don't trust the experience, and we don't trust ourselves to respond in a healthy way, even if it's something that we don't like.

The third step to move through indecision is to choose trust.

Trust yourself, trust in the experience, because we don't really know what the outcome is going to be, even if it seems unfavorable at the moment. If you can choose to look at every decision not as a failure or a bad experience, but a learning opportunity, if you can look at it like there's no real wrong decision, there are better decisions than others. 

But are we ever really, like, truly wrong? Well, yes, in some cases. We can absolutely be held accountable for doing things that we know are not right. Like there's clearly criminal things that are wrong. But I'm talking about our day to day decisions. Making a decision says I trust in myself. I'm not putting it off on somebody else. I'm not blaming it on the fact that nobody's here to support me. I'm showing up and owning my worth. I'm not making excuses about not having time or money or support. But I'm choosing to trust. Trust in myself. Trust that all is well. Trust in the process. Trust in the journey. I'm not saying this is easy, because it's not. It takes a lot of courage to trust, especially in ourselves. But there is no better person to trust than yourself. It's owning and claiming your sovereignty. Owning and claiming your worth. Not giving it away.

Trusting in someone else. When we trust in others more than ourselves, we do it because we don't believe in ourselves. When we too easily trust in others, but we don't trust in ourselves, it's because we don't believe in ourselves.

Number four, make that decision.

Make the decision and be okay with it. Just be okay with it. That limbo land of yes and no and then putting it off for another year. So just make the decision or make the decision to take it off your goal list and just say, okay, you know what, it's not happening this year. Just be okay with that.

Lastly, when we make the decision, we let go of attachment. And this is the most important stuff that we take. We let go of the attachment because we are aware of our subconscious beliefs and our patterns. We're aware that we're afraid of failure. We're aware of the inner conflict. We're aware of the self disappointment, the lack of trust. We choose to have compassion for ourselves and others and the experience. We then choose to trust ourselves, and then we make a decision. Make that decision. Make that commitment, and then take that next step. And don't think about it, just do it. Make that decision. And lastly, let go of the attachment.

P.S.

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Jen Mons is an author, speaker, mentor and coach for high achieving purpose driven ready to shift the paradigm of feminine leadership and redefine excellence and wealth through 5 Element Wellth, Prosperity, Journaling and Soul Wisdom Imprinting.