Stop Being So Serious

Have you ever wondered why adults get so serious and become so boring later on in life? 

The truth is that we all take everything too seriously. It is serious, but it doesn't have to be, right? Think about something that you're just so serious about in your life right now. Like, I've got to make this much money. My kid has to get straight A’s. My kid has to go to this college. I have to be the best at this. I gotta stay healthy. I gotta look a certain way. I have to do this. Life has to be like this. I gotta go on all these adventures and vacations. I gotta make time for vacation. I have to make this amount of money. I have to look this beautiful. I keep saying those two because those are the ones that I hear a lot.

Why are we putting so much pressure on ourselves? Who cares? Is that what you're going to take with you at the end of your life? I mean, all those things are really nice, and they make us feel good about ourselves, and it's all that external validation. But if you remember, that sense of belonging versus fitting in is all about knowing your worth without external validation.

So how do we stop taking life so seriously? And are we wrong for taking it so seriously? Well, some things are serious, right? Our health can be serious if we've had a health crisis. Our relationships with loved ones can be serious if we've lost our loved ones. Having the right and the freedom to make a choice can be serious, iIf we've had that taken away, we may feel like it's super important to fight for something that was taken from us or that we value. And I'm not saying don't do that. It's really more in the attachment to the outcome that becomes too serious, because we become. Because our whole identity becomes. It's almost like we become consumed with what it is that we think we're supposed to do or we think we're supposed to experience. Even if it's joy, like, let it go. Life actually goes by pretty quickly. You blink your eyes and your children or teenagers and having babies, and you're a parent and then a grandmother, and I'm telling you.

Let's break this down for a moment, because why are we even talking about this? But ask yourself, like, remember yourself as a child and remember yourself in a place of joy. Remember something that was, like, super fun to you. Can you connect to that joy as a child? What were the stories around that when you were joyful? Did people try to shut you down? When you were joyful, were you alone? Did people not get you or understand you? And how about when you were serious? Like, if you had those moments, did it help you to achieve success? Were you alone because you were intense? We all have these qualities about us that are just who they are, and we don't even know why we have these when we're a child, right?

I want to invite you to remember, what are the things that bring you joy? Do you even know? I can't tell you how many times I have client discovery calls with people. We talk about things like this, and they don't even know what brings them joy. They've forgotten because they're so busy not being present that they don't even know what brings them joy. Is it travel? Is it food? Is it running? What is it? What brings you joy? What is it? What does joy feel like for you? What does it say about you if you're happy and you're in your joy? What does it say about you if you're serious and intense? Do you believe that you have to be that way to be successful? 

There's kind of a delicate balance between taking yourself seriously and not taking yourself seriously. Like, take yourself seriously enough to stand up for yourself and not give your power away. Sometimes we don't take ourselves seriously because we're afraid of failure. Have you ever witnessed this in yourself? Sometimes you don't take things seriously because you're avoiding something. And then sometimes we take the wrong things too seriously, and we have forgotten how to have fun and have joy.

So my invitation to you is just to simply connect you back to your joy. The things that are fun for you, they're different for you than they are probably for the rest of the people in your family. Maybe your friends. Maybe you have friends that you can share that same joy with. 

Ask yourself at this moment, what area of my life am I just taking too seriously? Where am I not giving myself permission to just relax? So what area of your life are you taking too seriously? Is it your job? Ask yourself, like, if you're really unhappy and taking it too seriously, are you blaming others for your unhappiness? Because if you are, nothing's going to change. You have to take some self responsibility. That's where you have to take yourself seriously, owning and taking responsibility. And stop blaming others for your unhappiness, because happiness is an inside job. Am I blaming others for  anything? Am I attacking others? Am I projecting my emotions onto others? Or am I being projected onto? Am I being attacked like, something doesn't feel right when I speak my truth or anything that can come up? Because we all navigate those experiences. And how can I find the joy in this moment? This moment right here? 

Our lives are a sum of the experiences, which are some of the moments. And if we're not present, we're not going to remember those moments. Things don't exist unless you give them attention. The more attention that you give things, the more attention that you give fear or work or whatever it is. The more it starts to define you. If you give your intention to just living in the present moment and allow yourself to be more joyous, that doesn't mean that you can't be a hard worker. That doesn't mean that you can't be intense. You can find the joy in being intense. You can find the joy in winning. You can find the joy in eating super healthy. 

What things do you find joy in? And what are you taking too seriously? What area of your life can you relax in? Where can you let go of expectations and judgments and feelings and demands and shame and judgment? What area of your life are you ready to let go of that? What would it say about you if you just completely, shamelessly showed up in your joy? What would that look like? And what does it say about you if you do? Does it make people uncomfortable? That's not about you. What is? Is it dancing? Did someone tell you you can't dance, but it feels so good? Then do it. Is it surfing? But, you know, you're not that great compared to everybody in your family. But you love the water anyways, just do it. Is there something you want to try that you haven't given yourself permission? And it sounds super fun, but you're kind of afraid? Well, do it anyway.

The number one regret people have at the end of their life is there's, well, there's a couple of them, but the number one is that they didn't live their own truth. But another one is that they didn't give themselves permission to have fun. So I'm giving you permission to stop taking yourself so seriously, being this boring adult that has to. And I'm not saying you're boring, but evaluating the areas of your life where you don't give yourself permission to have joy and fun and do it with your children. Do it with your spouse. You've got a lifetime together, hopefully. It can be fun. 

I know it's hard sometimes, and because it's hard sometimes, because it's hard a lot of times. That's why it's even more important to do the things that you love and bring you joy. What are the things that feel good? Eating healthy food, taking care of your body, going on trips, drinking that glass of wine, whatever it is. What area of my life can I experience more joy, more fun? What are the things that bring me joy? What does joy feel like in my body? Who are the people that I enjoy being around? What are the things that I really want to experience in this life? What excuses am I making as to reasons that I'm not doing it? I don't have time. I don't have money. It's too hard. I don't have support.

What is one, one of those things you're willing to do? One of those things you're willing to shift today I challenge you. I am challenging you to do that thing by yourself with someone else. It doesn't matter. But to do the thing that brings you joy, even if it is eating that piece of chocolate cake, whatever that is, what are the things that bring you joy? And what area of my life can I relax? Where can I relax a little? Where can I stop taking myself so seriously?

Now there's a time and a place to take yourself seriously. There's a time and a place to set intentions, keep aligned, action, have accountability. I'm talking about day to day present moments with your loved ones. Yes, we can do hard things. Glennon Doyle says that. I know that, and we do hard things, but we get to choose how we show up in those things.

What is a way that you can start to choose more joy in your life? Stop taking yourself so seriously. I mean, I'm talking even about your goals. I don't love goals. I love intentions, which is more of a way of being. I like to set goals and have a vision that can be fluid and change, as long as you're not judging yourself when you don't meet them, but asking yourself, was this goal really in alignment with me? Is it the right time? 

So my invitation for you, as you go throughout your day today, whether you're driving right now to work, home from work, make a commitment to yourself to do something in your joy, and the commitment to let go of something where you take yourself too seriously in your life. 

P.S.

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Jen Mons is an author, speaker, mentor and coach for high achieving purpose driven ready to shift the paradigm of feminine leadership and redefine excellence and wealth through 5 Element Wellth, Prosperity, Journaling and Soul Wisdom Imprinting.